WhatsApp Funny Status

You can find the best funny status for WhatsApp on this page. If you want to creatively insult a friend without hurting them, or want to make someone smile, don’t hesitate to put any of the listed funny quotes as your WhatsApp status. I have carefully picked the status, however, if you think I should add more of these funny WhatsApp statuses here, let me know via the comment box below.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. – Mark Twain

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer. Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously… I’m Kidding

Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair.

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian. – Dennis Wholey

Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

Thank God I’m an atheist. – Anonymous

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. – Mark Twain

My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch… I call it lunch.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. – Alan Dundes

If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?

Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else. – Anonymous

They love their hair because they’re not smart enough to love something more interesting. – John Green, Looking for Alaska

I am not lazy I am on energy saving mode.

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car. – Will Rogers

A cop pulled me over and told me “Papers”, so I said “Scissors, I win!” and drove off.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor. – Anonymous

Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator. – Lemony Snicket, Horseradish

It sure is strange that after Tuesday the rest of the week spells WTF.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes! – Billy Connolly

If we shouldn’t eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. – W. C. Fields

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. – Cathy Guisewite

Yes, I know there is a real special place in Hell for me. It is called a throne.

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two. – Norman Wisdom

Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they’ll start using it.

A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch. – Anonymous

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. – Anonymous

My friend thinks he’s smart. He said onions are the only food that make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.

If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito. – Dalai Lama

Seeing a spider in my room isn’t scary. It’s scary when it disappears.

Many people lose their tempers merely from seeing you keep yours. – Anonymous

If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success? – Jerry Seinfeld

I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? – George Carlin

I just finally discovered what’s wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe. – Albert Einstein

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it. – Rodney Dangerfield

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times, you know, just to be sure.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. – Albert Einstein

I changed my password everywhere to ‘incorrect.’ That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, ‘Your password is incorrect.’

The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. – Jackie Collins

That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. – George Carlin

When life shuts a door…open it again. It’s a door. That’s how they work.

A day without laughter is a day wasted. – Charlie Chaplin

Lazy people fact #23478273090182You were too lazy to read that number. – Anonymous

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. – Paul Ehrlich

Don’t be so humble – you are not that great. – Golda Meir

The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe. Eat cake.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too. – Rodney Dangerfield

As your best friend I’ll always pick you up when you fall, after I finish laughing.

Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted. – Anonymous

A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it’s the stupid ones who need advice. – Bill Cosby

Yesterday I really wanted tacos. Now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams.

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. – Ron White

Dear Santa, this year I’d like a fat bank account, and a thin body… please don’t confuse the two like you did last time.

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. – Lily Tomlin

Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours. – Yogi Berra, When You Come to a Fork in the Road

You’re the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo.

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. – A. A. Milne

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. – Robert A. Heinlein

If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out. – Lawrence Ferlinghetti

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe. – Mark Twain

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

We are all either fools or undiscovered geniuses. – Bonnie Lin

Never miss a good chance to shut up. – Will Rogers

Finally my winter fat is gone. Now I have spring rolls.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. – Mark Twain

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. – Anonymous

I don’t hate you.. I just don’t like that you exist. – Gena Showalter, Seduce the Darkness

I am not an early bird or night owl. I am some form of permanently exhausted pigeon.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. – Abraham Lincoln

My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure. – Anonymous

Puns are the highest form of literature. – Alfred Hitchcock

They say “don’t try this at home” so I’m coming over to your house to try it.

If you can’t answer a man’s argument, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names. – Elbert Hubbard

Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it.

A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. – Milton Berle

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings. – Robert Benchley

Life Status: currently holding it all together with one bobby pin.

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. – Bill Watterson

At night, I can’t fall asleep. In the morning, I can’t get up.

I just cleaned everything from top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everyone to stop living here.

Don’t know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they’ll show up quickly.

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright. – Laurell K. Hamilton, Burnt Offerings

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. – Lana Turner

I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat.

The funniest people are the saddest ones. – Confucius

Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. – Charles M. Schulz

Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when you hang out with them they check their phone every minute. – Anonymous

You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D’s in school. Well guess what, I get F’s!!! – Bill Watterson

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. – Steven Wright

Paper cut: A tree’s final moment of revenge.

If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you. – Steven Wright

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? – George Carlin

I made a huge to do list for today. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific. – Lily Tomlin

That moment when you spell a word so wrong, even auto-correct is like “I’ve got nothing man.”

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you. – Groucho Marx

Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It’s like Facebook in real life.

The planet is fine. The people are fucked. – George Carlin

You can use the funny WhatsApp status as creative insults and punchlines. If you have a funny quote that would fit on this page, let me know in the comments below and I’ll add them right away.

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